New CD

1. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975506_hWQx1_c84f/Track01.mp3
2. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975507_lg7Rk_3237/Track02.mp3
3. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975508_1cD97_016a/Track03.mp3
4. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975509_Jr4sG_9d3b/Track04.mp3
5. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975510_SILEx_e50b/Track05.mp3
6. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975675_qWTyi_bfa9/Track06.mp3
7. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975676_ynyHj_b415/Track07.mp3
8. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975677_IvS2t_e8c1/Track08.mp3
9. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975678_wBWmz_69b8/Track09.mp3
10. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975679_3vzOM_2214/Track10.mp3
11. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975831_I03AK_ca1b/Track11.mp3
12. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975832_CBu98_59bd/Track12.mp3
13. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975833_ybql3_d987/Track13.mp3
14. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975834_pfoCL_e896/Track14.mp3
15. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975835_stRVT_a600/Track15.mp3
16. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975923_NL2tc_d3d9/Track16.mp3
17. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975924_wSW8O_c3ec/Track17.mp3
18. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975925_v3rka_1f8c/Track18.mp3
19. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975926_nNsbn_3665/Track19.mp3
20. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975927_FaH6a_4fa5/Track20.mp3
21. http://www.opendrive.com/files/6975940_i4zCa_c7ab/Track21.mp3

Artwork for sale

Ghosts...

I don't believe in ghosts.





I don't believe people see ghosts... or talk to them.

Why? Because people only see ghosts of people.



When some ghostly shit happens people say the ghost of (somebody) did it.

Fuck that shit...
Where are the ghosts of animals?
Where are the ghosts of monkeys bringing the ruckus?
Are there Shark ghosts?
Panda Ghosts?
Ant Ghosts?

No one sees that shit.



And when people do see ghosts... its almost always someone who recently died or some crazy back to the future person wearing some rickety olden days clothes. How come no one sees ghosts wearing fucked up clothes? Like a bad holloween costume? Are there baby ghosts? Midget ghosts? Retard ghosts?



















See, ghosts are bullshit.


Its all in your head.

If I ever have a ghostly experience.... I hope its a retard ghost in a bad halloween costume.

I want to be a mail order groom...

I think I am fucking giving up on meeting the perfect girl. I thought I met her, but I was wrong....If it was going to happen... it would have by now. I saw a whole show on TV about Russian mail order brides... yea... that's cool, but not for me. I'd rather be a mail order groom... Then I get to go somewhere new in the world, and meet someone that wants to marry me.... and try to figure out what she is saying..... Its the opposite of looking for a girl... If I was a mail order groom, she would choose me... not me having to spit game and see where shit ends up. She would like me before I liked her... and I think that would be cool.
I know there are a lot of things that could go wrong... Like what if she was really mean like that chick in Misery, or what if she was poor and ate bugs or dirt... I don't know though... I think that if a woman was looking for a mail order groom... she wouldn't be poor or mean... she might just be just as hopeless as me. I think its a great idea... I could live somewhere new... and never have to see all the people I hate ever again... What if it was a really beautiful woman with a sexy accent... that shit would be the greatest... I would just live it up in a foreign country... My luck though... It will be some ugly ass poor lady that was insanely mean and that lives in a bumpkin part of America..
There has got to be a way to sign up to be a mail order groom... Someone find out and tell me how!

Handirapped

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Handicapped

 

I think that my life would be a lot better if I was handicapped... I don't mean disabled (having hook hands, being paralyzed, amputated, or in a wheelchair). I mean severely mentally handicapped. I would love to be handicapped.. I don't give a fuck now if someone calls me a retard, and I would care even less if I was mentally handicapped. I just think they have it the best. Most of the time they are smiling. Extremely rarely they are hulking up with super strength to destroy something... When I'm thinking about how much my life sucks they are probably just thinking of one thing and one thing only, and its probably just something in their field of vision making them happy.... I would love to be that easily entertained, and easily distracted.... They probably have the greatest time ever when they are just walking around and then they hear a strange noise they never heard before... They probably shit their pants in amazement at anything remotely cool.. That’s how I want to be. I wish one day I could just wake up and be mentally handicapped for the rest of my life... They don't worry about anything... They don't give a fuck if they don't have any money, a job, a love life, or even any reason to live.... I have never met a mentally handicapped person that was materialistic, and that had a bunch of woman on his nuts... I know... some of them do have jobs... I wouldn't mind doing any of the jobs that they have... I would LOVE to be the guy working at McDonald's, burger king, or Wendy’s sweeping up the fries on the floor... Or that guy that welcomes everyone in the entrance of a Wal-Mart. They never have hard jobs.. . you never see a mentally handicapped guy being CEO of a big company... I wish I was handicapped... they have it so good.


If that wasn't fucked up enough... I wouldn't mind having a handicapped kid... I've been told I'll probably have one, and that karma will catch up to me someday... I hope so... I know whichever woman I have it with would hate it, and blame me, but I think maybe if it didn't look that bad it might be alright... sorry to call it "it", I'm not doing that because it would be handicapped but rather because i do not know what gender "it" would be.... I know kids keep you entertained enough being "normal", but I just think it would even more watching my mentally handicapped kid grow up and learn... I would love to try and understand the thought process.. I would have to stop everything in my life and home school my kid, because I wouldn't want to miss out on anything... My kid would be the first to be CEO of a company or President of something.. I would be sure of that! It would be the greatest thing in the world to know my handicapped kid was running a company or president of something, and other people's kids had to work for my handicapped kid. Unfortunately... I can't find a woman to agree with me, or that finds this idea funny at all.

Primates Going Ape Shit!!!! .....part 1

NEW CD!

download

I wish I was FAT

I wish I was Fat....

All of my life I have been skinny, slim, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Even as a baby I wasn't fat, and all babies look fat. I want to be fat... like 800 lbs fat. I have way to fast of a metabolism to ever be fat. I eat 5 times a day, and still I am stuck at 150 lbs. I know I could just put on a fat suit, or one of those sumo wrestler things and fill it with water, but I want the real thing. I don't just want to be fat for a day or two... I want to be fat for like 10 years.... develop a nice case of diabetes, heart disease, and all that other shit you get when you're fat.... I want to ride on one of those motorized scooters with reason instead of walking. I want to breath like I'm being choked all the time. I want the word "big" in front of my nick name. I want to be that mother fucker on the news that is only filmed from the neck down because he's fat. I want to be that guy on Maury who weighs more then 800 lbs. More then anything.... I want to be the first fat guy that loses 650 lbs on an all bacon, and sticks of butter diet.... FUCK Jared... and FUCK subway... I want to be the one that loses weight on an unhealthy diet. Just sitting around.. no exercise... no food pyramid... no fucking weight watchers or Jenny Craig... Just chilling eating bacon... and sticks of butter dipped in sugar... drinking nothing but water. Then I could tell people in my book that I'd get millions for... that they don't need diets or exercise... they just need to do what I did. Then I would become famous for being fat, and that shit would be crazy..... because I started off so skinny.

Too bad it will never happen... I can't gain weight.... I got a crappy metabolism that works too fast. The only way it could happen is if i got a reverse liposuction... were they put other peoples fat in me... No doctor would ever do that... And if one did... they would probably do a shitty job, and then I would look like a fat elephant man. I wonder how much that would cost?



I wish I was fat.

Being pessimistic...

I am very pessimistic...

Being pessimistic is kind of like betting against yourself, and if you bet against yourself, you always win. Being pessimistic makes anything good that happens in life 20 billion times better, because it was never planned or even thought of as an option. False hope of optimism never worked for me. If you live your life doubting everything, you will be amazed if good things happen. It's nothing negative for me, but just another way of looking at life. Not being let down, and not caring too much makes life a lot better. Being pessimistic makes all the good things better, and all the bad things not as bad.

Does that make sense?

Me

Locus MaGoo

AKA DJ Stillbirth

AKA Luke the Great

AKA Gootastic

AKA Loc jesus

AKA Goo the God

AKA Mr. McGrrrrrrrrrrrr