All of my life I have been skinny, slim, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Even as a baby I wasn't fat, and all babies look fat. I want to be fat... like 800 lbs fat. I have way to fast of a metabolism to ever be fat. I eat 5 times a day, and still I am stuck at 150 lbs. I know I could just put on a fat suit, or one of those sumo wrestler things and fill it with water, but I want the real thing. I don't just want to be fat for a day or two... I want to be fat for like 10 years.... develop a nice case of diabetes, heart disease, and all that other shit you get when you're fat.... I want to ride on one of those motorized scooters with reason instead of walking. I want to breath like I'm being choked all the time. I want the word "big" in front of my nick name. I want to be that mother fucker on the news that is only filmed from the neck down because he's fat. I want to be that guy on Maury who weighs more then 800 lbs. More then anything.... I want to be the first fat guy that loses 650 lbs on an all bacon, and sticks of butter diet.... FUCK Jared... and FUCK subway... I want to be the one that loses weight on an unhealthy diet. Just sitting around.. no exercise... no food pyramid... no fucking weight watchers or Jenny Craig... Just chilling eating bacon... and sticks of butter dipped in sugar... drinking nothing but water. Then I could tell people in my book that I'd get millions for... that they don't need diets or exercise... they just need to do what I did. Then I would become famous for being fat, and that shit would be crazy..... because I started off so skinny.
Too bad it will never happen... I can't gain weight.... I got a crappy metabolism that works too fast. The only way it could happen is if i got a reverse liposuction... were they put other peoples fat in me... No doctor would ever do that... And if one did... they would probably do a shitty job, and then I would look like a fat elephant man. I wonder how much that would cost?
I wish I was fat.
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