I want to be a mail order groom...

I think I am fucking giving up on meeting the perfect girl. I thought I met her, but I was wrong....If it was going to happen... it would have by now. I saw a whole show on TV about Russian mail order brides... yea... that's cool, but not for me. I'd rather be a mail order groom... Then I get to go somewhere new in the world, and meet someone that wants to marry me.... and try to figure out what she is saying..... Its the opposite of looking for a girl... If I was a mail order groom, she would choose me... not me having to spit game and see where shit ends up. She would like me before I liked her... and I think that would be cool.
I know there are a lot of things that could go wrong... Like what if she was really mean like that chick in Misery, or what if she was poor and ate bugs or dirt... I don't know though... I think that if a woman was looking for a mail order groom... she wouldn't be poor or mean... she might just be just as hopeless as me. I think its a great idea... I could live somewhere new... and never have to see all the people I hate ever again... What if it was a really beautiful woman with a sexy accent... that shit would be the greatest... I would just live it up in a foreign country... My luck though... It will be some ugly ass poor lady that was insanely mean and that lives in a bumpkin part of America..
There has got to be a way to sign up to be a mail order groom... Someone find out and tell me how!